Alcohol + Cell phone = Male Castration


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Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend that consisted of him telling me that he does “man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes” and that I’ve been “trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man” but “that shit ain’t right”. Then he vomited. More than once. Loudly. FML

What is it the combination of alcohol and a cell phone has that turns men into whiny little bitches? Why do people feel the need to start calling and texting people, they really should not be texting at that time and in that state! Were words like bitch, I want you back, I love you and fuck you are all freely intertwined in the same sentence. There is nothing worse than standing outside a bar and being a witness to one of these so called macho men totally fall on their faces and give up every ounce of self respect, because they had a bit of alcohol and all of a sudden they feel the need to express those feelings that they can’t express when they are sober! And they are practically sobbing into the phone and all you can think is, what kind of woman would want a whiny ass bum like you anyway? You are soooo going to regret making that phone call tomorrow… and whoever was on the other end will definitely regret knowing you.

I do believe that for some men alcohol actually works like a castration tool… or at least they just act like they have lost their balls. I have found that it is mostly the men that seem so powerful and in control during the day, the men completely enthralled in their macho bullshit, the guys that are too cool to say “I love you” to their girlfriends, those are usually the guys you find crying into the phone outside a bar at 4am and confessing their undying love to the girl they haven’t seen in a year. The fact that the girl already has a new boyfriend, one that is actually mature enough to handle “those scary feelings”, does not seem to have registered. So they keep calling and living in the past, they keep feeling inadequate during the week where their lives has not turned out as they hoped, they are beginning to realize that their youth is coming to an end and that they actually haven’t achieved any of those dreams they had so many of!

So don’t let alcohol be the instigator of your show of affection for your loved ones, the true strength lies with the people that rest enough in them selves that they do not care what people think! And hopefully you will have some friends that will take away your phone if you are prone to embarrassing yourself when the alcohol goes in… nothing worse than waking up Sunday morning, alone and rejected (for the 12th time by the same girl)!  So guys, get your acts together man… I do not want to be standing outside another bar witnessing your display of public humiliation! If you can’t say it when you are sober, you shouldn’t say it when you are intoxicated!!!

Below is just a little example of how this is never a good idea!


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